Grooming is a course of action that a predator takes in order to safeguard their chances of deceiving a child into thinking sexual abuse is okay. The gist of it has to do with earning the child’s trust by testing their boundaries. If the child allows for the predator to do things that they wouldn’t normally be comfortable with, such as releasing personal information or showing them lewd pictures, then this gives the predator the go ahead to try more insinuations. If the child doesn’t make a stink about what is going on, then the sexual predator is apt to progress the relationship further. The grooming process is slow and meditated.
Forensic psychiatrist Dr. Michael Welner, who worked on the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping, explains the stages of grooming on Oprah’s blog:
Choosing a victim
The predator chooses a victim that they think would be susceptible to being taken advantage. Characteristics they look for may include low-self esteem, needy and detached.
Obtaining trust
The predator gains the victim’s trust by fulfilling the child’s needs. This can be done by showing the child an immense amount of attention, or by being the caring friend, or the loving parent. The predator is careful not to cause suspicion to parents by barely nudging the situation at each level to make sure the child seems okay with what is going on.
Satisfying Needs
The predator, now working themselves in the child’s life, may start to romanticize the relationship by showing feelings or pampering them with gifts.
Detaching the child
The predator may at this point convince the child that they are giving them something that others cannot provide. This exclusive relationship enhances the trust and creates time alone together.
Sexualizing the Relationship
The predator starts to share pictures, conversations and circumstances that spark the inquisitiveness of the child. The child begins to accept the sexual enhancement of the relationship.
Controlling the child
The predator, now in control, uses confidentiality and guilt to string the child along, especially when the child starts to draw away. The fear of being unwanted may keep the child from ending the relationship.
Facts
- Anyone can go on a computer to get information about a child
- Predators have more success targeting teens who are looking for sex
- Teens are comfortable with interacting and talking to people online all the time
To safeguard your child, tell them not to give out personal information or talk about sex to anyone online.
For more information on protecting your child from online predators, please visit Adina’s Deck.
Youth Internet Safety 
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